Centerpiece Galore

This is a photoset of some of my favorite wedding centerpieces. I hope you find some inspiration. 

The bride who was more focused on lights than flowers

This beach inspired arrangement

This perfect winter centerpiece

This simple yet elegant white and neutral combination

This high/low combination of creamy pastel colors

This brightly lit outdoor celebration

This simple but beautiful arrangement

This white elegance

The Bride War Handbook

Nothing is off limits on this blog and I was taking suggestions from people in my circles about what to write when I received this great one. While I when I originally started this blog I wanted to focus on sharing the best deals around, talking about family dynamics is too tempting a subject for me to pass up such an interesting topic.

Whether there is an element of truth to the statement or it's a stereotype with no basis in reality that evolved from a misogynistic patriarchal society (Lol did I actually just say that?), women have a reputation of being catty and competitive. But not competitive in the "good" way, you know, like men are competitive about sports or in the workplace. We seem to have a reputation of wanting to compete over things that society doesn't believe add significant value to our lives. We compete over our clothes, make up, jewelry, etc. It should come at a shock to no one that we would compete over wedding related matters.

As weddings get bigger and more expensive, we are expected to outdo each other in all aspects of our planning. If only so much emphasis was placed on who had the best marriage! However, that's for different  blog that I'll create if I get around to it. On this site, we'll stick to the superficial things, shall we? For example, in my case, I knew that my wedding would be weighted against my cousins' weddings. Both the weddings that happened before mine as well as those still in the pipeline. Allow me to emphasize that I did not care one lick, because my only competition is myself. I don't strive to rank myself against others, yet, that didn't change the fact that I knew it was happening. People commented on my dress, my choice in colors and my stationary. Good and Bad. If you're wondering how I could still not care knowing I am being compared, it's because I know they would probably fall short in the only comparison that matters: my husband.

I see myself straying from the superficial again so let me get back on track.

Unless you're a teenager or in your 40s, chances are a lot of your friends are getting married shortly before or after you. Shortly in this case could be as recently as a few months or as long as 3 years but the point is that it's not a decade or more. People tend to get married in the same age group as their peers and we tend to be friends with those in our age group since we meet them through school and work.

Take the competitive nature of human beings, the fact that some women do live up to the stereotype of being catty and throw it in the mix with the stress of wedding planning and the pressure for everything to be perfect, and you have a recipe for disaster. People have been accused of stealing ideas or venues and trying to sabotage another bride's special day. I mean we are talking real life Bride Wars. Before you try to shave your best friend's head to make sure you look better than her, I'll give you some coping tips on dealing with another bride-to-be in the midst of your own planning.

Dealing with Competition (or not. Your call)

• If an idea is really special to you, do not discuss it with someone else. Know your limits and be honest with yourself. Would it upset you if they "borrowed" that idea? Don't talk about it. While it might be tempting to share your super cool or romantic idea with your bff, if she's also engaged, you can no longer control what she does once it goes from your mouth to her ears. On the flip side, if you have the tendency to "borrow" things yourself, have enough self control to tactfully say: "I want to be surprised along with everyone else. Why don't you keep it a secret

• While your wedding is about you, their wedding is not. Do not ask the other bride to change her plans to accommodate you. You like the venue she booked? Well tough luck. She's getting married 18 months before you are and she booked it first. The venue wasn't invented for you and it will not be set on fire after your wedding. Hundreds tied the knot there before you and thousands more will after you. You can dictate your bridesmaid's outfit for the day, but if your maid of honor has a bigger engagement ring than yours, you can't demand that she takes it off so it doesn't outshine yours. 

• It's ok to have the same people in your bridal party. The friends you have in common don't belong to YOU. They are her friends too. If anything you should be grateful that you have friends who are willing to be there for both of you. Being in a wedding is expensive and those who chose to do both decided to put their relationship with you ahead of money. You're both very lucky and try to focus on that rather than anything else. 

• Don't compare. You don't have the same tastes or finances. Not to mention every moment you spend worrying about what you think they're doing wrong or what you think they're doing better than you is a moment you spent no taking care of your own planning. 

• Live by the golden rule. Don't go to someone else's wedding and do what you wouldn't want them to do at your own wedding. Do you know a scandalous detail about her study abroad days? I'm sure you'd hate for your fiance to find out that you made out with your yoga instructor when you guys were on that "break", so keep it to yourself. Don't get wasted and fall backwards into the gifts table if you wouldn't want that scene at your wedding either. 

• Be helpful. If you've already been through it, it's a nice gesture. If you're still working on your own wedding, build goodwill. Trust me, you'll need it. 

• Don't let it get to you. It's very possible you're the more reasonable person in this scenario. After all, you are reading this blog... While my previous tips deals with you working on not being the petty one, it doesn't say anything about dealing with a difficult and catty bride. The most thing you need to remember is that how she behaves says more about her than it does about you. You can't control how people act but you can certainly control how you react to them. If you have a healthy perspective of what matters, you will not allow the small things to bother you. Deal with attempted sabotage swiftly and seriously. Have the conversations that need to be had and move on. Did she book the church you've dreamed of since you were 8? That's fine unless you have the same wedding day. You'll have different flowers, a different dress and a different groom. Unless she tried to hack your wedding registry and sign you up for 150 different boxes of silverware or try to sleep with your groom, pick your battles. Not everything needs to be a knock out drag out fat. 

Wedding 2.0 - The Ultimate Planning Apps

Everything has gone high tech. We look for jobs online, we date online, we shop online and we watch movies and listen to music using the internet. It should come as no surprise that the wedding planning landscape would do the same. If match.com's claim of 1 in 5 relationships started online, why not plan your wedding the same way you met your mate? To help with that, I'm going to give you a list of some fantastic apps that will make your planning so much easier.

(These are not all exclusively dedicated to weddings, however, I would hate to leave out something useful just because it isn't wedding related.)

THE KNOT

You cannot talk about wedding planning without referencing the mother of all planning sites. Manage your guest list, save pictures of dresses and cross things off your to-do list. It really does it all. Well at least close to it.

PINTREST

Ok, so it's technically not wedding related and in fact, the amount of time you'll waste on it going through other people's boards might actually sabotage your plans by making your late for meetings and distracting you. But let's be honest, these aspiring bride-to-bes have the best "some day" boards. There is definitely a lot of inspiration on there, especially when it comes to wedding reception. My own wedding cake design came from a combination of 3 or 4 cakes I found on Pintrest. 

WEDPICS

Like Instagram but better. This allows you and you guests to take pictures of all wedding related events (you can keep separate albums for engagement party, shower, rehersal, etc.) and share them with each other. While Instagram fame is great, other day-to-day pictures can break up the flow of your big day. Keep it all in one place with this app. 

MINT

 Of course, as the budget conscious person I am, I had to include Mint. Mint can pull all of your accounts together and help you track your spending. Are you worried you might go over budget? This app won't stop that from happening but it will sure shame you by telling you exactly how much you overspent!  :)  You know what else is fun? It's not just for weddings, so if you don't get your finances together after the wedding either, you can still continue to use the app so you can have a snap shot of all the things you're doing wrong in your regular life as well. 

YELP 

If you're not already using Yelp you're missing out. I'm not just saying that because I used to own Yelp stock. I use the app pretty regularly. It has a lot of great functions. It connects to your phone GPS and map to give you directions to your destination, you can read a lot of honest reviews from people who have already used a vendor you're considering. It also allows you to rate vendors yourself after the wedding.

APPY COUPLE

Engagement announcements are becoming more creative every year. Furthermore, the age of social media has made it more normal to share every moment of your life. This app combines both of these things. Showcase your story to your loved ones and publish every detail of your planning. 

WEDSTYLE 

No detail is more important to your day than you wedding dress. Get inspired by having all best looks and hottest trends at your fingertips. And if you can't make up your mind about something, there's a community of users more than willing to give you their opinion if you upload a photo of the items you're deciding on.

MY FITNESS PAL 

Your online diary helping you to stay committed to your diet and exercise plan. Fit into your wedding dress with the help of this fitness tracker. You can pair it with the pedometer of your choice. 

WUNDERLIST

This app's best feature is the ability to assign tasks to others and follow their progress. 

Wedding Planners

I'm starting to notice this trend of everyone now calling themselves a wedding planner. A lot of people believe that participating in their friend's wedding or getting married themselves qualify them as a wedding planner. So far this year, at least 3 people announced on Facebook that they've officially launched their wedding planning business. They're now for hire to help make bridal dreams come true. However, I think this surge in this career choice, either as a permanent move or a side job, is a result of people thinking that wedding planning is easy. 

You throw a party and make a few thousands on the week end. How bad could it be? The fact remains that many of the very good planners who are raking in the money are not doing so because it's easy, but because the wedding industry is booming, despite the high divorce rates. Weddings are becoming more extravagant, couples are inviting more people and wedding vendors have figured out a way to nickel and dime you. Wedding planning is hard work, and it's twice as hard when you're looking to execute the vision of a complete stranger who you barely know. There's also a lot of pressure with planning a wedding since any mistake could make or break the celebrations. 

One of my very good friends is a wedding planner in Florida and after seeing the time and effort she put into growing her business and clientele, I can see that it takes very specific characteristics to be a good wedding planner. Simply attending event planning classes will not be sufficient to equip you with all the tools you need to be successful wedding after wedding. Her clients seem to understand that since her first wave of business came after her own beautiful wedding, with the second wave coming after her first couple of paid gigs. So if you're looking for a planner, I recommend you seek out someone who:

Has a track record of successful events - An event planning certificate reinforces your planner's skills but is not a substitute for them. You don't want to be someone's first client unless you're throwing a child's birthday party. When it comes to weddings, make sure that your planner has a few under his or her belt. Otherwise, you could end up being their guinea pig and they may learn how to improve on their shortcomings from all the mistakes they made at your wedding. 

Is creative - Congratulations if you are a master at conveying your thoughts and feelings and everyone can understand your vision perfectly. For the rest of us mere humans, we may not be as clear on what we want, especially if we've never done it before. You want your planner to be able to use her creativity to make your vision come to life. Someone who says: "I don't get it" to every other idea you present, may not be the one for you. 

Is decisive - When planners deal with vendors, they may do so without you being present. Even if they have instructions from you, the instructions may be something the vendor absolutely refuses to do. You want your planner to be comfortable making decisions on your behalf. Of course, this goes without saying that the planner must be trustworthy enough for you to know that these choices will always be in your best interest.   

Is personable - Planners deal with your vendors, your guests and your future spouse. They negotiate prices for you and communicate your wishes to the attendees to make sure everything is just as you want it to be. A grouchy planner (who I don't believe would be in the business long anyway) will create unnecessary obstacles.

Is flexible - You'll change your mind. There's no if about that; it will happen. Not because you're indecisive (some of you might be) but because you'll realize that what you've loved when you were 5 is either not practical, to expensive or a little tacky. You want to hire someone who will be receptive to your ideas. 

Is not a yes (wo)man - Being receptive to your ideas does not mean they should not point out when you've completely gone off the rails. Brides tend to be surrounded by yes (wo)men by default because the people who tend to be the most involved in the planning are often their closest relatives who may not want to speak up and hurt the brides feelings. You don't need yet another person who will do that. If you want to hang rubber frogs from the ceiling of your swamp-themed wedding Ant Sally can lie to you for free. No need to pay someone else who'll do the same. 

These don't even scratch the surface of all the things that make a wedding planner great but it's certainly a start and I'll go as far as saying these are non-negotiable. If you are hiring a planner, I hope this will be a good starting point. 

Deals of the Week 9/14/15

This post is a day late due to some computer problems I was having, however I hope it will do the opposite of leaving you a dollar short.

Below you'll find some pretty good discounts across various websites. If you miss it this time, just check back again. There are always deals going around. Always. It's just a matter of being consistent with checking in. I'll do the research so you don't have to and here's what I found:

(Sorted with the closest expiration date on top. Shutterfly is repeated because they have 2 deals going on.)

Wedding Paper Divas (Link)
Deal: 20% off invitations & 30% off response and enclosure cards
Code(s): WEDINV20SEP + SUITE30SEP
Expires: 9/15/15
Type: Wedding Stationary

Zazzle (Link)
Deal: 30% off invitations
Code(s): FUNWITHPHOTO
Expires: 9/17/15
Type: Wedding Stationary
Note: Who says your life has to revolve around weddings? They also have 15% off sitewide until September 17.

Shutterfly (Link)
Deal: See note for details
Code(s): none
Expires: 9/17/15
Type: Wedding Stationary
Note:
Save 40% on 3/4 fold cards on signature cardstock.
Save 30% on 5x7 tri-fold and 6x8 flat cards on signature cardstock.
Save 20% on 5x7 folded, 4x5, 4x8, 5x5, and 5x7 flat cards on signature cardstock.
Save 30% on 6x8 and 5x7 foil stamped cards on signature cardstock.
Save 30% on stationery magnets, 5x7 wedding invitations and 3x5 enclosure cards on signature cardstock.
Save 20% on photo paper and 3x5 folded cards on signature cardstock.

Vista Print (Link)
Deal: 40% off sitewide + 500 postcards for $25
Code(s): None
Expires: 9/21/15
Type: Wedding Stationary

Magnet Street (Link)
Deal: 20% off $99 or more
Code(s): W20DEAL
Expires: 9/28/15
Type: Wedding Stationary

Shutterfly (Link)
Deal: Free shipping on any orders over $39
Code(s): SHIP39
Expires: unknown
Type: Wedding Stationary



Considering that the average cost of wedding stationary (invitations, save-the-dates, thank you card, etc.) can add up to about $1,000, this can save you hundreds.

Happy and Frugal Planning!

Wedding Etiquette: Couple Edition

When it comes to wedding planning, we love to criticize guests for their poor wedding etiquette, but what about the engaged couple? We never seem to look at what the couple could be doing differently to ensure that they're doing their part to show their good manners.

Make it clear who's invited and who's not - Some people will assume they're invited. As the bride (or groom), it is your responsibility to make it clear that they are not invited. You must certainly do it in a very polite way, i.e. "We would love to invite everyone that we are friends with, but we are restricted by space (or budget) and had to make some tough decisions about only inviting our relatives." but it must be done. I don't really care how you phrase it or what your word choice is, but you can't allow someone to think they're invited to your wedding only for them to find out they aren't welcome when they don't get an invitation. 

Do not invite someone to pre-wedding events if you're not going to invite them to the actual wedding - I can't imagine anything tackier than inviting someone to your shower and not inviting the to the wedding. If it sounds ridiculous, that's because it is. But it has definitely been done. It sends the message that: "I don't wish to host you at my wedding, but I'll take a gift from you."

Don't spend your entire work day planning your wedding - Most of your vendors may not keep odd hours and you may be stuck making some calls during normal business hours. Still, this is not a good enough reason to ignore all of your responsibilities. The last thing you need is to lose your job permanently over a one day party. Not to mention, your co-workers may be stuck picking up your slack and it is not fair to them that the stresses from your wedding trickles down to them in the form of additional work. Do your best to contain your planning to your lunch break and take some time off if you have to.

Don't ask people to help you with the wedding plans if they're not invited to the wedding - It's the same idea as point #2. You can't use up someone's time and resources for an event they won't be a part of. This is more of a grey area. This rule doesn't apply when your local grocery clerk may suggest the same make up artist her daughter had or your helpful co-worker knows a fantastic photographer. Often times, these people will offer the information voluntarily and it also doesn't take a significant amount of effort or brainpower. But don't ask anyone who's not a close friend or relative attending the wedding to comparison shop, send you coupons, etc. 

Treat your bridesmaids well - I know the term might be a little confusing for some, but don't let it fool you. Your bridesmaids are not actually maids. They may have been 500 years ago, but not anymore. They're your closest friends and relatives with lives of their own. They are allowed to have boundaries so it is in the best interest of your relationship to understand and respect that.

Understand that money comes with strings attached - If you want things your way or the highway, pay for it yourself. You cannot take a significant amount of money from your parents and refuse to incorporate some of their ideas in the planning. Sure, it's your day. Pay for it. Your parents certainly do not owe you a lavish party. Maybe they did in medieval times when women didn't work. But nowadays, the expectations are that you spend what you can't afford. If someone else is subsidizing your grandiose plans, there has to be some leeway. If your parents are so generous that they're willing to give you a blank check and have no input, let me know if they want more kids cause I'm putting myself up for adoption. Otherwise, that they may want to invite that cousin you don't like and you may just have to deal.

This is far from the most comprehensive list of wedding faux pas couples can commit, but it's a start. 

Better Use of Wedding Money

Credit: Huffington Post

If you're anywhere past the 3-month mark, I'm sure you've had at least one of the following thoughts: "This is costing us too much! I am tired... I can't wait for it to be over." Well I thought I could give you tired and damn-near broke brides something to fantasize about: What else you could have done with all the money you're spending on the wedding. According to The Knot, the average wedding now costs over $31,000, not including honeymoon expenses. So for simplicity, we'll use that number.

Buy a house: You could put 10% down on a $300,000 house. Real estate can be a good investment if you do your homework and you don't overpay. Interest rates are still low, as I am writing this, Bank of America is advertising 4% for a 30-year mortgage and Chase is advertising 3.12% for a 15-year fixed. While these low rates have screwed the savers among us, it's also been an opportunity for cheap money. While we don't know when or if rates will rise, they certainly can't go that far down. So girl, get yourself a home!

Buy a car: Well if things are so bad that you're thinking about cancelling your wedding, why not go all out and get yourself a nice ride? You can get yourself a 2016 Acura ILX for $32k. Sure, it's more than the $31k most brides spend, but what's another thousand in the grand scheme of things?

Buy some stocks: Despite the mass panic created by 2015's black Monday which followed the 2008 Great Recession, if you give it enough time, the stock market generally performs well. Between September 2010 and September 2015, the Dow Jones Industrial Average went from 10,000 points to 16,000 points. If you had a well diversified portfolio that reflected that kind of performance, $31,000 today would grow to more than $49,000 in 5 years.

Pay off debt: According to a 2015 article by Nerd Wallet, the average student loan debt is $32,953. Considering that student loans are one of the few debts you cannot discharge in bankruptcy, I'd say get rid of it as soon as you can.

Build an emergency fund: nearly 25% of Americans don't have an emergency fund. While financial experts can never really agree how much it should be (some say 3 months, most say 6 months and since the recession there's a lot of 8 months being thrown around), they all agree that you need one. An emergency fund can be used for a variety of things like your hoopty finally giving out or huge medical bills. But sadly, an emergency fund should also be there to sustain you in  case you lose your job. So in that case I would say the more the better because people are unemployed for a lot more than 3 months nowadays. How much do you need per month to live? Take that number and multiply it by 8 and ta-da! Emergency fund. Take the rest and put it in a Roth IRA (IRS limit is $5,500/year). If you still have money left, go ahead, buy yourself something nice. You've clearly demonstrated that you're responsible enough and deserve a treat.

This post was designed to be tongue-in-cheek, kinda. Some of the "other uses" can still be sound financial advice, like investing in your future, building an emergency fund and having a retirement account. However, now that you're done fantasizing about all the things you could be spending this money on, come back to earth and keep planning your wedding. Nothing can put a price tag on the feeling you'll get when you make eye contact with your groom for the first time. You'll know then that every drop of sweat and every penny was worth it. Spend only what you can afford but remember that a permanent union with the one you love is priceless.

Happy Planning!