When it comes to wedding planning, we love to criticize guests for their poor wedding etiquette, but what about the engaged couple? We never seem to look at what the couple could be doing differently to ensure that they're doing their part to show their good manners.
Make it clear who's invited and who's not - Some people will assume they're invited. As the bride (or groom), it is your responsibility to make it clear that they are not invited. You must certainly do it in a very polite way, i.e. "We would love to invite everyone that we are friends with, but we are restricted by space (or budget) and had to make some tough decisions about only inviting our relatives." but it must be done. I don't really care how you phrase it or what your word choice is, but you can't allow someone to think they're invited to your wedding only for them to find out they aren't welcome when they don't get an invitation.
Do not invite someone to pre-wedding events if you're not going to invite them to the actual wedding - I can't imagine anything tackier than inviting someone to your shower and not inviting the to the wedding. If it sounds ridiculous, that's because it is. But it has definitely been done. It sends the message that: "I don't wish to host you at my wedding, but I'll take a gift from you."
Don't spend your entire work day planning your wedding - Most of your vendors may not keep odd hours and you may be stuck making some calls during normal business hours. Still, this is not a good enough reason to ignore all of your responsibilities. The last thing you need is to lose your job permanently over a one day party. Not to mention, your co-workers may be stuck picking up your slack and it is not fair to them that the stresses from your wedding trickles down to them in the form of additional work. Do your best to contain your planning to your lunch break and take some time off if you have to.
Don't ask people to help you with the wedding plans if they're not invited to the wedding - It's the same idea as point #2. You can't use up someone's time and resources for an event they won't be a part of. This is more of a grey area. This rule doesn't apply when your local grocery clerk may suggest the same make up artist her daughter had or your helpful co-worker knows a fantastic photographer. Often times, these people will offer the information voluntarily and it also doesn't take a significant amount of effort or brainpower. But don't ask anyone who's not a close friend or relative attending the wedding to comparison shop, send you coupons, etc.
Treat your bridesmaids well - I know the term might be a little confusing for some, but don't let it fool you. Your bridesmaids are not actually maids. They may have been 500 years ago, but not anymore. They're your closest friends and relatives with lives of their own. They are allowed to have boundaries so it is in the best interest of your relationship to understand and respect that.
Understand that money comes with strings attached - If you want things your way or the highway, pay for it yourself. You cannot take a significant amount of money from your parents and refuse to incorporate some of their ideas in the planning. Sure, it's your day. Pay for it. Your parents certainly do not owe you a lavish party. Maybe they did in medieval times when women didn't work. But nowadays, the expectations are that you spend what you can't afford. If someone else is subsidizing your grandiose plans, there has to be some leeway. If your parents are so generous that they're willing to give you a blank check and have no input, let me know if they want more kids cause I'm putting myself up for adoption. Otherwise, that they may want to invite that cousin you don't like and you may just have to deal.
This is far from the most comprehensive list of wedding faux pas couples can commit, but it's a start.
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