Credit: Mary and Money
While I enjoy writing on the topic of wedding planning, I certainly don't spend all, or even a majority of my time thinking about these things. In fact, if you see one of my previous posts, I have shared my wedding pictures publicly and thus my wedding planning days are actually far behind me. No more of that until I have a daughter. I keep talking about the topic because I enjoy writing and I hope that someone can stumble on my blog and use a tip or two.
Is there such a thing as a blog identity crisis? Because if there is, I'm about to have one and go a little off topic. Just a little. Please try not to kick that soap box from under me while I preach.
Marriage is (intended to be) a lifelong partnership between 2 people. If you google the word 'Partner', one of the definitions you will find reads as follows: a person who takes part in an undertaking with another or others, especially in a business or company with shared risks and profits. (emphasis mine).
As life partners in this new venture, you share the risks and the rewards with your husband to be. Your successes are his, your failures will also be his, and vice-versa. The wedding will end and you will have to go home and heat your house, put food on the table and pay for health insurance, not for one, but now two people. While few households have a stay at home spouse, the fact remains that even with a dual income family, both parties have a responsibility to be good stewards of their finances, and chances are that, unless you bought a home together before you got married, paying for the wedding will be your first major expense as a couple. This is your first opportunity to demonstrate to each other that you are responsible and you are looking out for the financial well-being of the newly formed team. You want to demonstrate to your new husband that you can put together a great party without doing so at the expense of financial security. It would be quite the exaggeration for me to suggest that a fancy wedding will hinder your ability to retire, but if poorly planning your wedding is any indication of your impulsive spending habits or lack of self-control, your partner should be very concerned.
Here are some parallels between wedding planning and day-to-day finances:
Budget: A wedding budget keeps you on track. It tells you where you should cut costs and where you have a little bit more wiggle room. A household budget also does the same. But most importantly, a household budget let's you know if you're living within your means and staying out of trouble.
Negotiating: Knowing how to negotiate well allows you to get the best prices from vendors. In the event that you can't get a lower price, you might also be able to convince your vendors to throw in some add-ons. In life, you will spend a great deal of money on some necessary big ticket item. You'll need cars, you'll need a home to buy or lease and you're going to be comfortable negotiating for a better deal.
Making tough decisions: If you're cutting you guest list to save money, you might have to tell your fiance that his favorite cousin who helped fix his fire truck when he was a kid can't bring his 4 kids to the wedding. You might also have to accept that your brother's ex-girlfriend can't come to the wedding even if she confided in you after your brother cheated on her. And just like that, in real life, you'll also be making some tough decisions. Where to live, which house to buy, if someone should stay home and take care of the kids.
Doing what's right for you: You'll quickly find that there are a lot of unsolicited coming your way around wedding planning time. People love to share their ideas, no matter how bad they are. "You're having a nautical wedding? Your bridesmaids' dresses are going to be navy blue? How about sage green shoes?" Life will be no different. These same busybodies will give you parenting tips no matter how miserable their kids turn out, they'll tell you they don't like your outfit, they'll comment on your husband's profession, etc. What a perfect opportunity to show a united front with your future spouse when you tell the armchair wedding planners to buzz off because you're doing what makes you and your husband happy. Most importantly, you're doing what you can afford. So when your aunt Sally asks why you aren't serving steak at the wedding, you can practice setting boundaries by telling her if she wants a steak dinner, she can go to Smith and Wollensky and pay for it herself.
In conclusion, my recommendation is to not be shortsighted in your actions. While you guys are planning a one day party, the fact remains that how you handle it is a glimpse into your future ability to work together, be reasonable, compromise and make good decisions. With money being pretty high on the list for cause of divorce in this consumer driven economy, I would put a little bit of effort into starting things off on the right foot.
*trips off soapbox on the way down*
Happy planning!
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